SATIRZ

  Internet X (formerly Twitter) continues its long, documented journey away from advertising revenue and toward a subscription model that has 1.3 million paid subscribers in a world of 8 billion people. Musk's response to every quarterly decline is to personally post 47 times that day. It is not clear this helps. It is clear he enjoys it. By Chronically Online Correspondent   |  May 11, 2026  |  Internet THE INTERNET — Elon Musk bought Twitter in October 2022 for $44 billion. He renamed it X, fired most of the staff, reinstated banned accounts, alienated advertisers at a pace that industry analysts described as "historic," and began posting approximately 18 times per day himself — a workload that raises genuine questions about the bandwidth available for running Tesla, SpaceX, xAI, and the new SpaceX-xAI combined entity he merged for $1.25 trillion in February. X's advertising revenue has declined every quarter since the acquisition. Major brands — Apple, D...

  Billionaires Tesla paid Musk $158 billion in 2025 compensation — the largest executive pay package ever recorded. SpaceX is going public in June at a $1.75 trillion valuation. The dual-class share structure means public investors will own shares but not votes. This is called investing. It used to be called something else. By Forbes Watcher   |  May 11, 2026  |  Billionaires SOMEWHERE ABOVE THE LAW — Tesla Inc. has disclosed that Elon Musk received $158 billion in total compensation for 2025 — a figure so large that financial journalists needed a new sentence structure to write it. For context: $158 billion is more than the GDP of 130 countries, more than NASA's entire budget for the next 40 years, and roughly 3.5 times what the US spent on food stamps last year. Tesla shareholders approved it. Tesla shareholders have since moved on to approving SpaceX. SpaceX is going public in June under the internal codename "Project Apex" — a name that sounds like a su...

  Hollywood Greenland 2: Migration opened to $8.4 million on a $90 million budget. Chris Pratt's Mercy made $41 million on $60 million. The Mandalorian & Grogu is tracking below $400 million. Hollywood's solution: more sequels, bigger budgets, identical strategy. By Box Office Betty , Satirz Entertainment Desk  |  May 11, 2026 LOS ANGELES — Greenland 2: Migration, the sequel to Greenland — a film that most audiences saw on VOD during the pandemic and then forgot — opened on January 9, 2026 to $8.4 million domestically against a production budget of $90 million. It has since made $18.1 million worldwide. This means Lionsgate spent $90 million to make $18 million, achieving a return rate of 20 cents on the dollar, which in any other industry would be called a catastrophic loss and in Hollywood is called "underperforming due to competitive marketplace dynamics." Meanwhile Chris Pratt's Mercy — in which a detective has 90 minutes to prove his innocence to an AI ju...

  Tech & AI AI Mode has launched in Google Search. It reads the entire web, synthesises the answer, and presents it to you. The web, which spent twenty years creating the content being synthesised, is experiencing a 34% traffic decline and an emotion it cannot name. By Silicon Valet   |  May 11, 2026  |  Tech & AI MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google has officially rolled out AI Mode in Search this week, replacing ten blue links — the foundational aesthetic of the modern internet since 1998 — with a single, confident AI-generated paragraph that tells you what you need to know so that you never have to visit the source that figured it out. The feature works exactly as designed. You ask Google something. Google's AI reads every website that has ever written about it, synthesises a summary, cites the sources in small text at the bottom that 94% of users do not click, and presents the answer as if it has personally investigated the matter. The websites are thanke...

  Politics 🔴 Today In February, Trump said "there will be no deal except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER." In May, there is a deal. The word "unconditional" is being quietly retired. "Surrender" is still on the table, just spelled differently. By D.C. Burnside , Satirz Washington Correspondent  |  May 11, 2026 WASHINGTON — When Donald Trump launched military strikes against Iran in late February 2026, he had a clear, unambiguous, posted-on-social-media-in-all-caps vision for what victory would look like. "There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!" he wrote, in a post that has since been screenshotted approximately 4.7 million times and is now being retrieved from archives by approximately 4.7 million journalists simultaneously. It is now May. Iran has not unconditionally surrendered. Iran has, instead, submitted a peace proposal response through Pakistan. The US and Iran are exchanging fire in the Strait of Hormuz while simultaneou...

  SOMEWHERE BETWEEN EARTH AND ANDROMEDA — On May 8, 2026, the United States Department of War — which is, to reiterate, what the Pentagon is called now — released 162 never-before-seen files on UFOs, UAPs, and Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena, hosted on a dramatically designed website with white typewriter font on a black background, because the aesthetic of alien conspiracy and the aesthetic of a 2003 thriller film have always been indistinguishable. [Read Part 1 HERE ] The files contained approximately 41 minutes of video. Cold War reports of rotating saucers. A football near Japan. An orange blob over Syria that lasted two seconds. An FBI interview with a drone pilot who saw a "linear object" for five to ten seconds before it vanished. Three dots over the moon from Apollo 17. A Greek radar anomaly with 90-degree turns at 80 miles per hour.

  History suggests: Launch Hype Confusion Shutdown Users are excited… cautiously. One developer said, “I love Google products. I just don’t get attached.”