SATIRZ

Politics This Week Taiwan, Iran, rare earths, semiconductors, trade, AI, the Strait of Hormuz, and whatever else fits on a two-day agenda. Trump calls it "a great meeting." Beijing calls it "complex." The other 190 countries call it "please don't accidentally trade away our interests while we're not in the room." By D.C. Burnside , Satirz Washington Correspondent  |  May 11, 2026 WASHINGTON/BEIJING — Donald Trump boards Air Force One for Beijing on Wednesday for his first visit to China since 2017 and his first face-to-face with Xi Jinping in over six months. The agenda covers trade, Taiwan, rare earth export controls, Iran, artificial intelligence, the Strait of Hormuz, Boeing aircraft sales, American agricultural purchases, and, tucked in somewhere on day two, the question of whether two countries that have been imposing escalating tariffs and sanctions on each other for two years can get along well enough to agree on what to have for lunch. The...

  Politics 🔴 Today In February, Trump said "there will be no deal except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER." In May, there is a deal. The word "unconditional" is being quietly retired. "Surrender" is still on the table, just spelled differently. By D.C. Burnside , Satirz Washington Correspondent  |  May 11, 2026 WASHINGTON — When Donald Trump launched military strikes against Iran in late February 2026, he had a clear, unambiguous, posted-on-social-media-in-all-caps vision for what victory would look like. "There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!" he wrote, in a post that has since been screenshotted approximately 4.7 million times and is now being retrieved from archives by approximately 4.7 million journalists simultaneously. It is now May. Iran has not unconditionally surrendered. Iran has, instead, submitted a peace proposal response through Pakistan. The US and Iran are exchanging fire in the Strait of Hormuz while simultaneou...

WASHINGTON — Congress today unveiled Democracy+, a premium subscription tier promising faster voting lines, fewer political ads, and access to legislation before it becomes a scandal. The new plan starts at $19.99/month and includes “Priority Citizenship Status” and exclusive behind-the-scenes corruption content. Officials say free democracy will still exist, but users may experience occasional buffering during elections.