Trump Is Flying To Beijing On Wednesday To Solve Everything. Every World Leader Is Watching. Nobody Has Been Invited.

Politics This Week

Taiwan, Iran, rare earths, semiconductors, trade, AI, the Strait of Hormuz, and whatever else fits on a two-day agenda. Trump calls it "a great meeting." Beijing calls it "complex." The other 190 countries call it "please don't accidentally trade away our interests while we're not in the room."

By D.C. Burnside, Satirz Washington Correspondent  |  May 11, 2026WASHINGTON/BEIJING — Donald Trump boards Air Force One for Beijing on Wednesday for his first visit to China since 2017 and his first face-to-face with Xi Jinping in over six months. The agenda covers trade, Taiwan, rare earth export controls, Iran, artificial intelligence, the Strait of Hormuz, Boeing aircraft sales, American agricultural purchases, and, tucked in somewhere on day two, the question of whether two countries that have been imposing escalating tariffs and sanctions on each other for two years can get along well enough to agree on what to have for lunch.

The world's other 190 countries are watching from outside. Europe is worried about losing market share if China commits to buying American goods instead. Japan is worried about Taiwan. South Korea is worried about semiconductors. Russia is worried about losing China's support if Xi and Trump bond too warmly. Taiwan is worried about everything simultaneously, which is Taiwan's permanent condition and frankly impressive given the circumstances.

"Virtually everyone has a stake in the outcome of this meeting."— Chad Bown, Peterson Institute for International Economics. This is the most accurate sentence written about geopolitics in 2026. Everyone has a stake. Nobody has a seat. This is called a summit.

The expected deliverables: a Board of Trade, a Board of Investment, Boeing orders, agricultural commitments, and a rare earths truce extension. The expected non-deliverables: Taiwan, nuclear arms, advanced chip controls, and the question of who actually won the trade war, which both sides claim to have won and neither side has won in any meaningful sense measurable in economic data. Trump calls it a "great meeting." It has not happened yet. He has already called it great. This is the Trump methodology and it has a mixed track record and an excellent marketing department.

Trump Xi SummitBeijing This WeekTaiwan Is NervousBoard Of TradeEveryone Has A StakeAlready Called It Great

Disclaimer: Satire built on CNBC, CSIS, and Foreign Policy reporting published today, May 11, 2026. The summit dates (May 14–15) are confirmed. Taiwan is genuinely nervous. — Ed.